By Chris Floyd, wildly speculating in
The Moscow Times :-)
WASHINGTON, March 12, 2007 -- Calvin J. Hooper was sworn in today as the 49th President of the United States in a quiet ceremony that many hope will put an end to a tumultuous period that has seen the inauguration and resignation of five chief executives in the 12 months since former president George W. Bush fled the country for exile in Saudi Arabia...
...The new president received immediate pledges of bipartisan support from Democratic leaders. "We think the American people want unity and closure in these difficult times," said Senator Hillary Clinton of New York. "They don't want us to take partisan political advantage of the Republicans' little spot of bother." The quiet, consensus politics of the opposition party is a carry-over from the 2006 midterm elections, when, to the astonishment of most experts, the Democrats failed to retake Congress, despite the fact that 85 percent of the Republican incumbents were either in jail, under indictment or had joined Bush's so-called "holy remnant" of exiles in Medina. Some attributed the Democrats' lackluster showing to the official campaign slogans the national party adopted in 2006: "The War: We Can Do It Better" and "Corporations: What's Not to Like?"
Leading Democrats also lauded Hooper's intention to "stay the course" in the war. Democratic Senator Joe Biden of Delaware urged Hooper to send "at least 100,000 more troops" to the MEWZ (the Greater Middle East War Zone), which now encompasses Iraq, Iran, Syria, Lebanon and the West Bank. Biden said the extra soldiers could be gathered from the vast, roaming mobs of homeless people dispossessed by the draconian 2005 bankruptcy bill championed by Biden on behalf of the credit card companies headquartered in his state. These "Joeboes," as they are now called, could fill up to 10 new divisions for front-line duty, Biden said.
Meanwhile, the ex-leader whose panicky flight set off the spiraling chaos that has engulfed the American political system was sanguine about the latest imbroglio. "These pretenders come and go, but one day soon I will return to reclaim my birthright," Bush said in a telephone interview from his cubicle at the headquarters of the BinLadin Group, where he now works as a junior market analyst. The wealthy Saudi family, which helped launch Bush in business in the 1970s, took him in after his indictment for war crimes last year. On his days off, Bush holds court with his "remnant" at the Medina Starbucks, where he signs "executive orders" prepared by Karl Rove, plots geopolitical strategy with Condi Rice and occasionally launches food fights against nearby tables of "suspected terrorists."
"Tell Hooper to leave my stuff alone," Bush said before hanging up. "I got some pretzels in my desk that better be there when I get back."